Dead Awake

RATINGS

IMDB: 4.6

MY RATING: 2

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 12 May 2017
     Netflix 22 Nov 2018

Genre: Horror, Thriller
Director: Phillip Guzman
Writer: Jeffrey Reddick
Running Time:  1 Hour and 39 minutes

Staring: Jocelin Donahue, Jesse Bradford and Jesse Borrego

Rating? Unrated

SPOILERS? YES-ish

STORYLINE

A young woman must save herself and her friends from an ancient evil that stalks its victims through the real life phenemenon of sleep paralysis.

MY REVIEW

In my defense, I was bored and Netflix is full of movies that I have not seen. This movie was pretty horrible. So, if you take the premise of The Ring and toss in a little real life sleep disorders, shake in sprinkling of cliche and voila, you get this movie. I basically had to pause a few times and back up a few seconds to just check to see if I heard what I thought I heard. I gave it a 2 because fit did make me laugh. That is NOT what a scary movie is supposed to do, but whatevs!

At one point, Kate (Jocelin Donahue) and her deceased sisters boyfriend Evan (Jesse Bradford) as talking the the "Expert" on sleep paralysis demons, Dr. Hassan Davies (Jesse Borrego) and they ask him about "Did you try the online message boards?" to which he replied, "I didn't think of that!"

So, no real direction other than down for this movie. There was a complete lack of likability for any of the characters. The acting was amazingly horrible. This should have been released on YouTube.

Malevolent

RATINGS

IMDB: 4.8

MY RATING: 1 stretch to a 2

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 5 October 2018
   Netflix 16 Nov 2018

Genre: Horror
Director: Olaf de Fleur Johannesson
Writer:Ben Ketai and Eva Konstantopoulos
Running Time: 1 hour and 29 Min

Staring: Florence Pugh, Ben Lloyd-Hughes and Scott Chambers

Rating? TV-MA

SPOILERS? YES

STORYLINE

Siblings Jackson and Angela run a ghost hunting racket; swindling the bereaved with fake equipment and Angela's paranormal 'visions'. Hired to investigate an old foster home, the team uncover its terrifying past.

MY REVIEW

Oh, wow. I struggled with with the rating for this one. It was a solid 1 but had some moments of decency so I gave it a 2. If you want to save your sanity, skip this!

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• CINEMATOGRAPHY- You know, typically, it's not the cinematography that saves a movie, but it was a close call for this one. 
• SPECIAL EFFECTS and COSTUME DESIGN- Not too bad.

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:

• WRITING and EDITING- This movie had a chance at success. It had all of the possible ingredients for a successful movie but failed to deliver on any of them. Where on earth did these people learn how to be humans? Do they not have any common sense? Speaking of the characters. Would have been nice to meet them. What do I mean? Well, there was really no development whatsoever other than the "Hello, I'm Jim".
• DIRECTION- This was a lazy horror movie that made me do more of the work than the people who were supposed to be writing, editing and filming!

On a more personal note..... 

Because that movie was so terrible and I feel bad for making you waste your time reading this review, here are some ridiculously adorable pictures of my youngest baby boy, Lord Oliver Cromwell. He's 14 months old and I love his terribly!

Demonic

RATING

IMDB: 5.3 of 10

MY RATING: 2

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info:  10 October 2017
    Netflix 3 Nov 2018

Genre: Horror, Thriller
Director: Will Canon
Produced by James Wan
Writer:Max La Bella, Will Canon
Running Time: 83 Minutes

Staring: Maria Bello, Frank Grillo and Cody Horn

Rating? R

SPOILERS? YES

STORYLINE

Louisiana: Det. Mark Lewis is called to the notorious Livingston House and finds three bodies and one survivor, John. A team of ghost hunters, Bryan, John's pregnant girlfriend Michelle, Jules, Donnie and Sam, have decided to hold a seance. Marta Livingston committed a violent slaughter here years ago. It goes horribly wrong and evil spirits are released. Queue the interrogation of John while a technical team try to retrieve the hard disks and footage from the event.

MY REVIEW

Okay, so, I saw the cover and saw James Wan in decent size letters and then the smaller. Presents. So he was not thee writer, not the director, but had some interest in the movie. That is one of the first problems with this movie. The writing is horrific. It's a tale that has been overdone so much that within the first 20 minutes, I can guess the outcome. That could be the fact that I watch way too much horror as well. I didn't hate it, it just wasn't that good.

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• Maria Bello- she was good, even if she did always have a confused look on her face. It was as if she knew the shit show she was starring in was such a confusing piece of crap.

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:

• Cinematography- Found footage is my least favorite genre of film-making. The combination of actual directed footage in combination with the footage of the ghost hunters team placing the cabers and finally the footage of what the camera shot was not a successful join for me.
• Writing- This felt to me like a "horror movie generator" came in and took a few pieces: Demons, Haunted House, seance and a bunch of dead kids, and spit out a movie. Just a bunch of desperate acts as the writers just tossed some crap into the air and let it fall down on the paper. And the final twist at the end. It was as if they knew the movie was failing and just tossed this in as an afterthought.  It's JUST not that interesting. 
• Editing- I know a little about filming movies, not too much, but enough. I think they filmed a bunch of stuff and then sat in a room and taped it together. It's not exactly smooth transitions. The first hour of the movie is just blah and the majority of action is in the last 20 minutes.

On a more personal note..... 

Just a little Snapchat fun, made a delicious breakfast and walked in on Oliver who had crawled up on top of Rocket to got to sleep!

Pernicious

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 20 February 2015
     Watched on Netflix 18 Feb 2017

Writer and Director: James Cullen Bressack
Running Time: 90 Minutes

Staring:  Ciara Hanna, Emily O'Brien and Jackie Moore

Rating? Unrated

SPOILERS? YES

REVIEWS

IMDB: 4.8 of 10

RT: 50%Critics; 74% Audience
MY RATING: 2

STORYLINE

Three young, beautiful girls arrive in Thailand to teach English for the summer, some with noble intentions and some just wanting an adventure, but none were prepared for the massacre that awaited them. The nightmare begins when their new friends go missing, vivid bloody dreams haunt their sleep and a stolen statue leads them down a dark path into Thai folklore and magic that has been long forgotten. Their situation continues to become worse once they realize it's not WHAT that is haunting them but WHO: an eight-year girl, brutally murdered and sacrificed by her family decades ago who wants nothing more than to watch them bleed. This is not a story about redemption. This is not a story about good versus evil. This is not a story about the will to survive. This is a story about Vanida - a child viciously tortured by her own family, who will stop at nothing for revenge - one appendage at a time. (IMBD Story Synopsis)

MY REVIEW

Well, I gave it a shot. I was pretty sure it was going to be a crap filled ride but the idea of the story seemed interesting. I do typically enjoy cultural nuanced stories set in places like Thailand. I was mistaken. First alarms bell went off with UNRATED. That is typically where I can tell... I should have stopped there. I gave this movie a 2 because I DO like gory movies. It's very near the line between gory horror and torture porn. VERY FINE LINE and it toes the line very close!!

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• The Gore: Like I said, this movie toes the line between torture porn and horror. It's a very blurry line. 

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:

• The Girl in the Gold Paint:  Just look at the actor in the gold paint. Just ridiculous!
• The Acting: Wow, not sure if it was the direction, the writing or the acting, but there was some combination of the three was JUST did not work for me.
• The Story: Oh, boy.. where do I start!?!? Well, the main part of the story is based on the Kumari Legend. Well, the Kumari mainly Nepalese NOT Thai and it's not violent or hurtful. It;s the basic idol worship of a young girl who embodies the Kumar Devi or Living Goddess believed to be an incarnation of the goddess Taleju. (Click here to read the article about the Kumari from the National Geographic) I was just taken out of the story because I had recently read about the Kumari culture and this was just a bad bastardization.

On a more personal note.....Today was a pretty enjoyable day. Let the baby bears (aka kittens) go out into the back yard. Bella and Jinx were the only ones who really wanted to play in the grass. Dexter refused to sit for a photo. Baby Rocket let me take a pic when we came inside. I got ready to go to game night at a friends house!

Let's Be Evil

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 5 August 2016
     Watched on Netflix 29 November 2016

Director: Martin Owen
Writer: Elizabeth Morris and Martin Owen
Running Time: 1 Hour and 22 Minutes

Staring:  Kara Tointin, Elizabeth Morris, Jamie Bernadette and Elliot James Langridge

Rating? Unrated

SPOILERS? YES

REVIEWS

IMDB: 5.9 of 10

RT: Critics: 22%; Audience: 19%
MY RATING: 2

STORYLINE

Three chaperones are hired to supervise an advanced learning program for gifted children, who wear Augmented Reality Glasses to assist in their education. Contained within a secure, underground facility, events quickly spiral out of control.

MY REVIEW

Let's be REAL, this is REALLY BAD!! This was an hour and 20 minutes of my life that I WILL NEVER GET BACK! I really wanted to give it a shot because it has an actor that I recognized from the British soap opera, The Eastenders, Kara Tointin who played Dawn Swann. Although the premise sounds like it would be a very interesting ride towards modern teaching techniques mixed with a little Village of the Damned undertones, it does not deliver.  

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• For a low budget horror thriller, the Special Effects are amazingly well done. 
• It's ambitious, I'll give then that one little recognition. 

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:

• Character development is basically nonexistent! There is no time spent to better understand the motives of the three main adults other than they need money so they take an insane job in a weird under ground bunker basically babysitting a handful of pre-teen genuises who all have to wear a google-glass knock off.
• Who is the random janitor looking dude they kill at 1:06? Where did he come from? 
• Advanced technology? For a movie that was supposed to be heavy on the high-tech.. the ONLY thing high-tech along the way were the glasses. 70's-80's furniture and atmosphere and 90's computers?
• The Ending? What the hell does all of this mean? There was no plot line that got us to this place. No story. Nothing. It just didn't make any sense at all.

On a more personal note..... Well, it was a pretty enjoyable day minus this crapt-astic movie. Selfies, kitties and Pumpkin Spice cake balls!

Independence Day: Resurgence

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 24 June 2016
     Watched on iTunes 22 Oct 2016

Director: Roland Emmerich
Writer: Nicolas Wright, James Woods, Dean Devlin, Roland Emmerich, James Vanderbilt and others.
Running Time: 120 Minutes

Staring: Liam Hemsworth, Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman Sela Ward, William Fichtner, Judd Hirsch, Brent Spiner and Vivica A. Fox

Rating? PG-13

SPOILERS? YES

REVIEWS

IMDB: 5.4 of 10

MY RATING: 2

STORYLINE

Two decades after the freak alien invasion that nearly destroyed mankind, a new threat emerges. This alien mothership is more than twice the size as the last one and once again, the world's armies must band together to save the world. Do they have enough firepower or will this battle change and will the aliens take over?

MY REVIEW

I almost feel like making a post on the Reddit feed for "Today I Learned" and it would have gone a little something like this..

Today, Reddit users, I spent two hours of my life watching a movie. It was supposed to be a big budget action movie and well, Today I learned that action movies can be pretty boring.

I remember in 1996 going to see the original in theaters when it came out. I did like it and I feel pretty bad about saying this, but this was a pretty terrible movie.  It was just missing something that the original didn't have. So, I give it a 2 for the pretty bad acting (Except for Bill Pullman), horrid writing and dialog, lack of a good story and just nothing redeemable in my eyes.

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• Some of the CG was not that bad.
• The first 10-15 minutes were not too bad, it's the rest of the movie that just lets your down. There is no soul here!!
• Thanks for bringing back Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman and Brent Spiner. But it felt like they were there, but they were half of what they could have been. Bill Pullman really pulled out a great performance despite the bad concept and basic writing.

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:

• Will Smith, however you play it, was the star of the original. With him  not there, even though the concept that they came up with for why he wasn't there was not bad, he was missed.
• Did not treat the audience like intelligent humans. I do not need to be spoon-fed the plot by bad dialog and mediocre actors.
• I should have known better since the writer/Director Roland Emmerich was also responsible for 2012, a smorgasbord of the absurd and quite a bad movie.

On a more personal note..... Had some awesome time with the kittens in the backyard today. Pretty awesome photo shoot! Then Taylor came over for me to put on her face paint for a Halloween party. I am pretty proud of how it turned out! Then I made dinner... Boneless Pork ribs in a Soyaki Sauce with rice and veggies...

The Sacrament

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 1 May 2014

     Netflix on 31 Aug 2016

Writer and Director: Ti West (Known for V/H/S, The House of the Devil and The Innkeepers)
Running Time: 99 Minutes

Staring:  Kentucker Audley, Amy Seimetz, AJ Bowen, Joe Swanberg and Gene Jones

Rating? R

SPOILERS? YES

REVIEWS

IMDB: 6.1 of 10

MY RATING: 2

STORYLINE

Journalist Patrick (Kentucker Audley) works at the VICE, a company dedicated to cover bizarre news. When his sister Caroline (Amy Seimetz) joins a community, she travels abroad with her new family. Out of the blue, Caroline invites her brother to visit her in an undefined country and Patrick travels by helicopter with his friends Jake (Joe Swanberg)and Sam (AJ Bowen) that work with him at VICE. They find weird that the men that have come to guide them to the Eden Parish have guns. On the arrival to the camp, Patrick, Sam and Jake find a community of happy people that worship Father. (Gene Jones) They interview Father but soon they realize that people are not as happy as they seem to be. Further, they find that they are trapped in the Parish Eden and they want to leave the place with the newcomers. But the Father does not have intention to let them go.

MY REVIEW

I am a student of history and specifically interested in the history of crime and criminals. This leads to me the heart of my review. This is nothing more than reimagining an actual horrific event. About 10 minutes in, I was well aware that this was going to be a Jonestown facsimile. I feel like this was deliberately retold in THIS specific way to introduce the altered storyline to a younger audience.  This is truly ineffective as a horror thriller.

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• Nothing really redeeming about this movie. Not even any eye-candy for me to lust after!

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:

• This story was frightening enough on it's own. For me, I just found the story too obvious. I could see the twists before they even were shown on the screen. I think it's because I know the story of Jonestown.
• Shaky-cam SUCKS!!

On a more personal note..... Got up this morning and noticed that baby Rocket J. has gotten soon big. He was drinking water next to Jinxie and he just didn't look like the little 7 month old baby that he used to be yesterday! Then, I got ready and went to have a spot of lunch with my bestie, Missy at the Hair of the Dog Eatery. I had an amazing buffalo chicken sandwich and she had chicken and waffles with candied bacon. I don't think either of us will be hungry for dinner. THEN, got a little something for my hair.. PINK HIGHLIGHTS!! So fun!! And finally, I finished this piece yesterday! I am getting better at face coloration and shapes. Hopefully, I can keep it up! I've been 

enjoying the distraction!!

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Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension

GENERAL INFORMATION
Release Info: 22 October 2015
Running Time: 88 Minutes
Staring:  No one!
Rating? R
SPOILERS? NO

REVIEWS
IMDB: 4.5 of 10
MY RATING: 2

STORYLINE
Using a special camera that can see spirits, a family must protect their daughter from an evil entity with a sinister plan.

MY REVIEW:
OMG. This was not the worst move I have ever seen, but it was pretty close to the bottom. I guarantee they have run out of ideas for this franchise. I do not intend to continue with the viewing of these pieces of garbage. HOT GARBAGE!