XX

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 17 February 2017
     Watched iTunes (But in theaters too)

Director: Roxanne Benjamin, Karyn Kusama, St. Vincent and Jovanka Vuckovic
Writers:
The Box: Jack Ketchum and Jovanka Vuckovic
The Birthday Party: Roxanne Benjamin and St. Vincent 
Don't Fall: Roxanne Benjamin
Her Only Living Son: Karyn Kusama
Running Time: 1 Hour and 20 Minutes

Staring:  The only person who I recognized was Melanie Lynskey from Sweet Home Alabama.. You know the girl who brought a baby into the bar!?!?

Rating? R

SPOILERS? YES, only because I want to save you the anguish that I lived through!!

REVIEWS

IMDB: 4.7 of 10

RT: Critics: 70%, Audience: 26%
MY RATING: 1, ONLY because my scale does NOT go to 0!

STORYLINE

XX is a new horror anthology with a gender twist - all segments will be helmed by female directors and will star female leads. The directors have been given free creative rein within budget and time constraints, but all of the segments themselves will involve the horror genre.

MY REVIEW

Full disclosure. I had to stop this movie, make the decision to finish because it was so bad I wanted to ensure that I watched the full movie in order to compile a review befitting it's terrific horribleness. Why in the holy hell did 70% of the critics on Rotten Tomatoes like this movie? Those Critics are FAKE NEWS. #AlternateFacts. Let's discuss!

First, I'd like to talk about that trailer, the one that made me go, "Hey, I think I'll pay the $7.00 and get this on iTunes on a Friday night instead of watching The Office on Netflix for the 37th time. The movie that was presented in the Trailer WAS really not the movie that was offered. NOT AT ALL!

Secondly, what was up with those odd 90's Tool videos that were sandwiched between the four mini-movies.

Third, they were disjointed and not really full short stories. Each one felt like it was worse than the first. I studied writing for years and I know that the plot has to do three things: Get the main character up a tree, throw rocks at them and get them down safely. (Thank you Miss Cosmic freshman year at West Texas A&M for that lesson!) Did someone forget to tell someone the end the stories??  At one point, I sat slack-jawed with my hands in the air yelling at the tv screen. Literally. I wish this was recorded!!

You know who makes good horror movies? Anyone but these people! Skip this and watch some classic horror movies!

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• The title, if you added another X to it and added some sex!

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:

• Literally everything.
• The Box: WHAT was that? This was nonsensical and obtuse at best!! So, the kid doesn't eat for 5 days before they decide to take him to the doctor like it's not a big deal? Then they still continue to act like it's cool, whatever. It was extremely derivative of the Box with Cameron Diaz. DUMB!! Everyone dies! The end.
• The Birthday Party: Oh my god! did I do too much acid in the 90's? What the hell did I watch. This was more or less a study in the absurd. Chick is crazy. She wakes up and finds her husband dead in his office and just moves along with her weird day and her kids birthday party like all is normal. Then there is a weird office assistant and a bunch of people dressed up like teddy bears and pandas singing and putting their faces in cakes. I JUST CAN'T!
• Don't Fall: I think I saw this story about 37 other times in other movies and books. So crazy cave dwelling demon takes over this girl and she kills all of her friends. Yeah, that's all.
• Her Only Living Son: Devil has a kid with a human. He's off. They die. Done. Don't waste you time!!

On a more personal note..... Last week, Saturday was my birthday! I still get super excited about those! This was no different! I spent the first 5 hours in a Tattoo Chair getting the second phase of my partial sleeve done. We still have two more appointments scheduled to do the color on the skull and the mariachi singer. I got some amazing diamond earrings and a few bottles of wine and a lovely dinner out with friends. AND, the 3-D Printer is really super fun. I didn't make it, but the boy did, the Baby Groot. Pretty awesome Week!

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