Night of the Living Deb

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 8 Oct 2015
     Netflix 21 Feb 2017

Director: Kyle Rankin
Writer: Andy Selsor
Running Time: 85 Minutes

Staring:  Maria Thayer, Michael Cassidy and Ray Wise

Rating? Unrated

SPOILERS? Yes-ish

REVIEWS

IMDB: 5.5 of 10

MY RATING: 5

STORYLINE

After a girls' night out, endearingly awkward Deb wakes up in the apartment of the most attractive guy in Portland, Maine. She's thrilled, but she can't remember much of what got her there. Pretty boy Ryan only knows that it was a mistake and ushers her out of the door.. into a full-scale zombie apocalypse. Now, a walk of shame becomes a fight for survival as the mismatched pair discovers that the only thing scarier than trusting someone with your life... is trusting them with your heart.

MY REVIEW

I love zombie movies. I love awkward comedies. I love ridiculous tongue in cheek humor. This movie was all of that and more. I didn't go into it with much hope, but wow, was I wrong.  It was by no means perfect or even good, but it was funny for the most part and a even with the lack of a good story but a prescient warning that is subtext for most zombie movies that sits on the surface.  
Basically, it's Shaun of the Dead if it were written by 11th graders. It's a spoof. Funny, but not hilarious.

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• I love the romantic comedy- Deb and Ryan. Hilariously mismatched and like all romantic comedies, they are thrown together and have to sort it all out in the 85 minutes they have on screen. It works for the most part, but still a bit off.
• Maria Thayer- I love her. She is just an adorable ginger and is PERFECT!!

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:

• Bad writing and dialogue. This is a made-for Netflix type movie and it's not perfect. There are some major plot holes and some very un-nuanced story telling. It's the type of movie that you watch and not have to think. They feed you the story with a very large spoon. Even the idea that the water is contaminated which caused the zombie outbreak is just flat-out told in words instead of plot. Know you're audience.

On a more personal note..... Cute little Lego guy I got from a friend at work. Rocket, Jinx and Dexter sleeping on the cat tree and the Game of Thrones Iron Throne printed on my 3-D printer in a metal mix that I got wet and rusted.... Pretty damn cool!

Pernicious

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 20 February 2015
     Watched on Netflix 18 Feb 2017

Writer and Director: James Cullen Bressack
Running Time: 90 Minutes

Staring:  Ciara Hanna, Emily O'Brien and Jackie Moore

Rating? Unrated

SPOILERS? YES

REVIEWS

IMDB: 4.8 of 10

RT: 50%Critics; 74% Audience
MY RATING: 2

STORYLINE

Three young, beautiful girls arrive in Thailand to teach English for the summer, some with noble intentions and some just wanting an adventure, but none were prepared for the massacre that awaited them. The nightmare begins when their new friends go missing, vivid bloody dreams haunt their sleep and a stolen statue leads them down a dark path into Thai folklore and magic that has been long forgotten. Their situation continues to become worse once they realize it's not WHAT that is haunting them but WHO: an eight-year girl, brutally murdered and sacrificed by her family decades ago who wants nothing more than to watch them bleed. This is not a story about redemption. This is not a story about good versus evil. This is not a story about the will to survive. This is a story about Vanida - a child viciously tortured by her own family, who will stop at nothing for revenge - one appendage at a time. (IMBD Story Synopsis)

MY REVIEW

Well, I gave it a shot. I was pretty sure it was going to be a crap filled ride but the idea of the story seemed interesting. I do typically enjoy cultural nuanced stories set in places like Thailand. I was mistaken. First alarms bell went off with UNRATED. That is typically where I can tell... I should have stopped there. I gave this movie a 2 because I DO like gory movies. It's very near the line between gory horror and torture porn. VERY FINE LINE and it toes the line very close!!

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• The Gore: Like I said, this movie toes the line between torture porn and horror. It's a very blurry line. 

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:

• The Girl in the Gold Paint:  Just look at the actor in the gold paint. Just ridiculous!
• The Acting: Wow, not sure if it was the direction, the writing or the acting, but there was some combination of the three was JUST did not work for me.
• The Story: Oh, boy.. where do I start!?!? Well, the main part of the story is based on the Kumari Legend. Well, the Kumari mainly Nepalese NOT Thai and it's not violent or hurtful. It;s the basic idol worship of a young girl who embodies the Kumar Devi or Living Goddess believed to be an incarnation of the goddess Taleju. (Click here to read the article about the Kumari from the National Geographic) I was just taken out of the story because I had recently read about the Kumari culture and this was just a bad bastardization.

On a more personal note.....Today was a pretty enjoyable day. Let the baby bears (aka kittens) go out into the back yard. Bella and Jinx were the only ones who really wanted to play in the grass. Dexter refused to sit for a photo. Baby Rocket let me take a pic when we came inside. I got ready to go to game night at a friends house!

XX

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 17 February 2017
     Watched iTunes (But in theaters too)

Director: Roxanne Benjamin, Karyn Kusama, St. Vincent and Jovanka Vuckovic
Writers:
The Box: Jack Ketchum and Jovanka Vuckovic
The Birthday Party: Roxanne Benjamin and St. Vincent 
Don't Fall: Roxanne Benjamin
Her Only Living Son: Karyn Kusama
Running Time: 1 Hour and 20 Minutes

Staring:  The only person who I recognized was Melanie Lynskey from Sweet Home Alabama.. You know the girl who brought a baby into the bar!?!?

Rating? R

SPOILERS? YES, only because I want to save you the anguish that I lived through!!

REVIEWS

IMDB: 4.7 of 10

RT: Critics: 70%, Audience: 26%
MY RATING: 1, ONLY because my scale does NOT go to 0!

STORYLINE

XX is a new horror anthology with a gender twist - all segments will be helmed by female directors and will star female leads. The directors have been given free creative rein within budget and time constraints, but all of the segments themselves will involve the horror genre.

MY REVIEW

Full disclosure. I had to stop this movie, make the decision to finish because it was so bad I wanted to ensure that I watched the full movie in order to compile a review befitting it's terrific horribleness. Why in the holy hell did 70% of the critics on Rotten Tomatoes like this movie? Those Critics are FAKE NEWS. #AlternateFacts. Let's discuss!

First, I'd like to talk about that trailer, the one that made me go, "Hey, I think I'll pay the $7.00 and get this on iTunes on a Friday night instead of watching The Office on Netflix for the 37th time. The movie that was presented in the Trailer WAS really not the movie that was offered. NOT AT ALL!

Secondly, what was up with those odd 90's Tool videos that were sandwiched between the four mini-movies.

Third, they were disjointed and not really full short stories. Each one felt like it was worse than the first. I studied writing for years and I know that the plot has to do three things: Get the main character up a tree, throw rocks at them and get them down safely. (Thank you Miss Cosmic freshman year at West Texas A&M for that lesson!) Did someone forget to tell someone the end the stories??  At one point, I sat slack-jawed with my hands in the air yelling at the tv screen. Literally. I wish this was recorded!!

You know who makes good horror movies? Anyone but these people! Skip this and watch some classic horror movies!

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• The title, if you added another X to it and added some sex!

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:

• Literally everything.
• The Box: WHAT was that? This was nonsensical and obtuse at best!! So, the kid doesn't eat for 5 days before they decide to take him to the doctor like it's not a big deal? Then they still continue to act like it's cool, whatever. It was extremely derivative of the Box with Cameron Diaz. DUMB!! Everyone dies! The end.
• The Birthday Party: Oh my god! did I do too much acid in the 90's? What the hell did I watch. This was more or less a study in the absurd. Chick is crazy. She wakes up and finds her husband dead in his office and just moves along with her weird day and her kids birthday party like all is normal. Then there is a weird office assistant and a bunch of people dressed up like teddy bears and pandas singing and putting their faces in cakes. I JUST CAN'T!
• Don't Fall: I think I saw this story about 37 other times in other movies and books. So crazy cave dwelling demon takes over this girl and she kills all of her friends. Yeah, that's all.
• Her Only Living Son: Devil has a kid with a human. He's off. They die. Done. Don't waste you time!!

On a more personal note..... Last week, Saturday was my birthday! I still get super excited about those! This was no different! I spent the first 5 hours in a Tattoo Chair getting the second phase of my partial sleeve done. We still have two more appointments scheduled to do the color on the skull and the mariachi singer. I got some amazing diamond earrings and a few bottles of wine and a lovely dinner out with friends. AND, the 3-D Printer is really super fun. I didn't make it, but the boy did, the Baby Groot. Pretty awesome Week!

SaveSave

John Wick: Chapter 2

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 10 Feb 2017

Director: Chad Stahelski
Writer: Derek Kolstad
Running Time: 2 Hours and 2 Minutes

Staring:  Keanu Reeves, Riccardo Scamarcio and Ian McShane

Rating? R

SPOILERS? Yes

REVIEWS

IMDB: 7.6 of 10

MY RATING: 3

STORYLINE

After returning to the criminal underworld to repay a debt, John Wick discovers a large bounty has been put on his life.

MY REVIEW

I should have know that I would not care for this movie. I didn't love the first one. I DID, however, under duress, watch this movie with the husband. This was a mindless killing spree with little to no story and absolutely the most base of story lines.

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• Lawrence Fishburne's character was a pretty great piece.

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:

• There is JUST no character growth. John Wick is still just avenging his dog's death. He's no better of a person in 2 than in 1. 
• Dear writers, this was drivel. Please try again.
• The only plot device is revenge.
• Instead of paying actors for Keanu to shoot, they just should have put up some cardboard boxes with pictures on the front.

On a more personal note..... Selfie time on the way to work this morning.Also, noticed that the bush in the front yard is blooming. IT's FEBRUARY! And Dexter Morgan says hi!