Childs Play

MY RATING: 1

GENERAL INFORMATION

Release Info: 21 June 2019

Genre: Horror
Director: Lars Klevberg
Writer:Tyler Burton Smith
Running Time: 

Staring:Aubrey Plaza, Gabriel Bateman

RatingR

SPOILERS? YES

STORYLINE

A mother gives her 13year old son a toy doll for his birthday, unaware of its more sinister nature. 

MY REVIEW

Oh, holy hell, this was bad. I need a new word for how ridiculously bad this movie was. All I can think of is the scene in Kung Pow! Enter the Fist where Chosen One decides that killing is bad AND wrong and it needs a new word- BADONG! Yes, there are spoilers in my review, but it's for YOUR benefit! This movie did not know what it wanted to be when it grows up, some serious identity issues. I get that the writer/directors were trying to update the story with the removal of the supernatural and addition of the AI gone wrong concept, but they tried too hard. Charles Lee Ray IS Chucky. It needed that little piece for me to be CHILD's PLAY. It was just overkill. So many glaring missteps and missed opportunities that I could never let myself actually enjoy the movie. It's weird over-reach into a world where Alexa/Apple/Uber are all wrapped into one service that is all powerful is off-putting. I get how people are all crazy about how these things are intrusive but this was over the top. I'm still not getting rid of my Alexa.

What I DID LIKE about this movie:

• My favorite kill was the Shane (David Lewis), when his head was run over by a roter tiller. I'll talk about what was WRONG with that scene below.
• Some of the one-liners were funny.
• Detective Mike (Brian Tyree Henry) was the star for me. His acting was natural and did not feel forced.
• Aubrey Plaza was braless for most of the movie. (.)(.)
• Mark Hammil as the voice of Chucky

What I DID NOT LIKE about this movie:---This is gonna take a while...

• Opening scene brings us to the factory in Vietnam where the Buddi Dolls are being made. Let's just call this one right here. EVERYONE knows that factories have been using the assembly line with interchangeable parts since Ransom Olds in 1901. (No, it wasn't the anti-semitic asshole Henry Ford). The factory was dark and there was no assembly line, just a  bunch of single work stations that were at various stages of doll completion. The tech guy who is putting in the "chip" is getting fired and was told to finish his work and leave forever. Like that would really happen! Anyway, he resets all fo the "parameters" that keep the doll from being evil. Okay, so I have a HUGE issue with this as a concept. You mean to tell me that the simple act of him turning off the barriers is what makes this doll evil? Would that even make it through R&D? I am rolling my eyes right now!! THEN, not only does he finish the doll, but HE is the one who packs the doll and puts it on the truck? Then they make a huge point of showing the viewer that the one box that has the evil Buddi doll has a dent in the top. Why do they pack the truck with the dolls only shrink wrapped around the middle and not in a separate container? That's not how this works! @#)*&!!!!!
• Now, let's talk about the fact that they tried to get all inclusive by giving the kid a hearing aid, only one. I immediately thought that they were going to use it as some sort of evil prop, but the only thing they did was have the Chucky doll hack in and talk to Andy through the thing, LAME!
• At what point does the kid realize that there is something massively wrong with this doll and take out the battery/disconnect it from the internet... I mean the thing strangles the poor cat and grabs random knives... I can't believe for a second that a 13 year old boy would just go, yeah, whatev's, this doll is cool as it is.. I won't call anyone. Ugh oh, my doll just killed y mom's boyfriend and left his face in my room. STILL NOT calling the cops!
• Speaking of killing the mom's boyfriend. So, he decides to take down the outdoor Christmas lights at his house on a very tall ladder with no stabilizers in the middle of the night. Yeah, that makes COMPLETE sense! BUT then, not only is he taking them down but he's wrapping them around his torso and of course he falls. At least he had a good death!
• WHO designed that doll? It was not a cute little doll that it should have been. I give them credit for NOT using any CG effects on the doll. Valiant effort to use real tech to get the doll to move right on the screen. It still felt wrong to me.
• The cliches were too abundant. Hearing aid loner kid with a single mom and her overbearing boyfriend who's secretly married and they live next to the funny black detective and his mom. I can't. This was insane.